If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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