The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
You are the jesus of drinking
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
