I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Duck Duck Cougar?
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
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