Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
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Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
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My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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