Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Randomize
