I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
