CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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