I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
My ass is underappreciated
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
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