You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
