Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
