My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
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Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
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I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize