He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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