thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
