Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
So vagazzling was a success
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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