Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
