hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
