escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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