hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
you have to choose: penises or morals?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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