Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize