Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
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