You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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