I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
