i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I lost the right to judge tonight
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
