i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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