literally had 100 drinks last night.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
