I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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