there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
