I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
