are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
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