I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
