So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
