Those balls look pretty dangerous.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
He? As in you personified your dick?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Randomize
