I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
