Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Randomize
