Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
