Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
