she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
