no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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