I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
