Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize