Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
