If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
