What did we do last night that was yellow?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
