If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
