I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
only if we run a train.
done.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
