mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
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