Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
