If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
