Your mouth is God's brothel.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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