...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
