12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
