I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Randomize
