we made out on top of his cat.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I AM VODKA MAN
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
