i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
