I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
It was confusing and full of hummus
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
