this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
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You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
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The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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