i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
