Taylor Swift is so right about you.
love makes seman taste better
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
