Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
