You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
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how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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