Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
