Jerry, you need to find god
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
