My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
