I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
