uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
