i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
