I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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