I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Randomize
