Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Randomize
