shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
the liver wants what the liver wants
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
