I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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