well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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