My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
