you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
