people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
accomplished twins. life is a go
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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