for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
