He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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