girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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