Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
