Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
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I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
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I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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