the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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