Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
