I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
