Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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