I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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